Tuesday, 1 June 2010

What? I was asleep there... oh. Hello.

and then he grabbed the cucumber.  It was terrible, but at least the police stopped chasing us...

Oh! Gosh, you made me jump!  You really shouldn't creep up on blogs like that, I'm going to have to put in some kind of doorbell or something.  Anyway, now you're here, come in and shut the door, there's a draught.  Right.

I'm sure I had something very important to say, but, honestly, brain like a sieve again (if you don't believe me, just read my earlier blog about thought mice).  Still, now I'm here I'll just ramble on for a bit, so you might want to go and fetch some chocolate biscuits and have a sit down, it might be quite a while before I find a point to get to.

Ah, I remember.  Spiders.  That was it.

There was a dead bat outside my front door the other day. Not that it died waiting to be let in, or that the postman had made a particularly unusual delivery and anyway it would have fitted through the letterbox, but there it was, casualty of cat-action I think.  And I found myself wondering... how come I'm not afraid of bats/rats/snakes etc, and yet the moderate crawlie-action of a very modest-sized spider can reduce me to actual screaming, leaving-the-room hysteria?  It's silly, and I know it's silly.  Rats can give you diseases (although all the ones I've ever had as pets have been most careful about washing their paws and not kissing if they've had a cold), snakes can bite.  Bats ...umm, I don't know why anyone is scared of bats, something to do with getting tangled in their hair or something but bats don't even have much hair and anyway I once kept one down my bra, and it's very hard to be scared of something you once had in your underwear, apart from Peter Andre, but I think that's a story for another time...

So why spiders?  I have reasoned to myself that it's because you can't see their eyes.  Even snakes who, let's face it, have all the facial expression of Amanda Holden after a 'BOGOF' Botox deal, you can see their eyes. Spiders allegedly have eight eyes.  BUT I CAN'T SEE THEM!  And that makes them sinister.  The FBI don't wear those dark glasses for nothing, you know.


It's the only reason I can think of, anyway.  That and the fact that spiders creep up on you when you aren't expecting it - I'm sure we've all done the 'putting on the dressing gown and subsequently finding a spider the size of a small Frisbee in there with you', haven't we?

And with that happy thought, and the knowledge that every one of you will be examining your dressing gowns with a paranoia I would be proud of, I shall leave you.

Close the door on your way out, and remember next time to knock.

5 comments:

Chris Stovell said...

Yes, it is that very unfair way they creep up on you that's so horrid! That's brought back horrible memories of almost drying myself on a towel with a spider in it! (And I'm very short-sighted so had to peer to see what black blob was...)

Lorraine said...

Im so glad you wrote todays blog - I too suffer from this baffling condition. I think it has to be mentioned that the 8 legs thing is just a little unnecessary, I mean, we cope remarkably well is just the two and if we really wanted to catch that bus, we could just run, we don't have to sprout another six do we! Silly really. Anyway, another great blog update. Thank you :)

Jane Lovering said...

What is it with spiders? Although, to be fair, I also hate cockroaches.. but there's nothing else in the animal kingdom that invokes such a nasty shudder as telling people about such adventures as the time one woke up to a tickle on the forehead, and in the morning found an enormous spider's corpse on the pillow...

Cat Marsters/Kate Johnson said...

I once found an enormous spider corpse by my bed...at least, the remains of it. Having been woken in the night by something running across my face, and then a kitten pouncing on it, and then another kitten joining in, and then some crunching noises...actually I didn't switch the light on for some time.

But at least the cats had fun, and, hey, protein is good for them, right?

Jane Lovering said...

I wouldn't have switched the light on - ever. In fact, I would have conducted the rest of my bedroom activities for the rest of my life with my eyes closed. There's nothing quite as nasty as a dead spider with which you had contact. Except a live one, of course.