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Sunday, 25 July 2010

Moths don't eat mice. And neither does my hero.


That's my word of this week.  It means 'congested with blood'.  Oh, no hang on, the pages are stuck together again... I knew I shouldn't leave a dictionary so close to the soup; 'riddle, puzzling person or thing'.

did briefly contemplate writing this whole blog in an enigmatic style.  I'd got as far as 'Enigma, mystery, dumpling, placoid, bison' before they stopped me. It comes from wanting to be enigmatic myself, you see, but in fact I'm the opposite. I'm totally nigmatic and scruitable.  I'm so easily scruited that just about anyone who's ever met me knows my entire life history, because I just can't get the hang of being secretive and  puzzling and all that jazz.  I do wear a lot of black, but only because it means I can spill several cups of coffee down my front before anyone notices, and people laugh when I try answering questions with a mysterious smile.  In fact, I just checked my mysterious smile in the mirror and it makes me look like a hamster trying to work a peanut into a particularly full cheek-pouch, so I shan't be doing that again.

Honestly.  This is exactly what I look like.  But less cute, obviously.

This has all arisen  because I've been writing my blurb for 'Please Don't Stop the Music', and the word that describes my hero is 'enigmatic'  It conjures an image of someone all dark and mysterious, who moves through the night like a..hold on. What moves through the night in an enigmatic way?  Owls?  No, they're a bit twit-twooey, mysterious but not enigmatic and besides they eat mice.  I can't really come to terms with an enigma who eats mice.  Same goes for cats, who work really hard to appear enigmatic but smell surprisingly fishy close-up, and there's still the whole mouse-eating thing to consider.

Moths.  Quite enigmatic, in that they come from absolutely no-where and flap around your cheeks in the middle of the night causing sudden eruption from the bed of sleep and shouts of 'get the bastard out of my nose' and are therefore creatures I do not want associated with my hero, about whom no-one shouts anything of the kind.

This is a big, bastard moth that broke into our house last night, using a pickaxe and plastic explosive.  It flew around long enough for my daughter to photograph it.  She's off to post this picture on Crimewatch now.

Do YOU know this moth?

I did briefly consider likening Ben (my hero.  That's as in my hero in the book, not as in 'oh, my hero!'  Although he is.  If you see what I mean)  to a hedgehog, because they move through the dark and are prickly and a bit awkward (like him) but they eat slugs and make a peculiar snuffling noise, and have really really short legs. And fleas.

Oh, look, he's just enigmatic, but not like owls, cats, moths and hedgehogs.  

Now I come to think of it, the above sentence isn't much of a blurb, is it?


Sarah Callejo said...

Well, I find you very puzzling and enigmatic. I often have to reread what you've written to understand what the heck you're on about. Your mind is very intriguing; it moves in very mysterious and surprising ways.
And for something enigmatic in the dark, what about those jelly fish you find in the depths of the ocean and are luminous? I find those fascinating but are a bit flabby and will probably sting like hell.

Jane Lovering said...

You just mean that I am confusing and ramble on and on and on... And I'm not sure how my hero would feel about being compared to a jellyfish, I think he has more backbone... Although I grudgingly admit that they are a bit enigmatic. It's what comes of having no faces.

Cat Marsters/Kate Johnson said...

He could be enigmatic like a snake. But I'd hazard a guess he's not slippery and venomous. He could be enigmatic like a spider, they move through the dark. But they have rather too many legs and make girls scream, and I don't suppose Ben does that either. At least if he makes girls scream it's probably not with horror.

Maybe he moves through the dark like a bat! I expect he can see though.

You're right. This is hard.

Talli Roland said...

Maybe a badger? They're sort of enigmatic, aren't they? They only come out in twilight, do a few rolls around in the forest, then go back into hiding. Gah, that sounds like the activity on Hampstead Heath... so perhaps not a good description.

Raccoon, maybe? They've got that mask thing...

Jane Lovering said...

Still searching for that perfect mammal! It must be cute, mysterious, enigmatic, not eat mice or leave little piles of pooh in semi-accessible places (Ben would never do that. I think we might be stuck with Okapi. I could live with one of those.

Chris Stovell said...

Have organised myself and got you on my blogroll - not bog roll, that would be weird - so enough of all that enigmatic stuff.
How goes the cover? Or is that being enigmatic too?

Anonymous said...

The perfect mammal?

Hare, obviously!

Jane Lovering said...

Chris, cover still enigmatic, but I promise I will reveal as soon as I can.

Talli, my badger stance (which you wouldn't EVER want to see, by the way) is much the same as my cat stance.

Skarto, hares are actually quite close. Cute, enigmatic, twitchy - it's their being 90% insane that stops me saying 'We have a winner'.