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Saturday, 4 September 2010

Magazines called Bum stop you being a vampire, apparently.

Although I have ridden horses for many, many years, not one single photo of me on a horse exists.  There are many pictures of me standing next to horses, however.  I think this is odd.  Does it indicate that every time I get onto a horse I become a vampire?  Is horse-riding a major cause of temporary vampirism?  Because, you know, I don't remember any of this in 'Buffy'...

I'm riding the one in the middle.  Edward Cullen is on the bay and Spike is at the front.  Mitchell fell off.  And, if you look carefully, you can see my medieval siege weapon in the foreground.

This is just one of the major discoveries I've made during the past week.  I am a part time vampire.  It's amazing the things you find out, going through your holiday photos.

Other discoveries include:

Slovenian's have a ....well, odd taste in reading matter.  Oh, and that I'm apparently not a vampire when standing in the middle of a supermarket holding a magazine called 'Bum'.

Two of my children are secretly book-ends.  Never realised this.  Call me Missus Unobservant if you want.  Also, map-reading - not vampiric.

I am scared of heights.  Look closely at my face in this picture.  (Whoa, not too closely, you might want to try alternating eyes to avoid major sight-damage).  If that face does not have 'terror' written all over it then it's only because my pen ran out, what with writing 'help' messages and lowering them down the stairs.

That I have been brainwashed by Lord of the Rings, into believing that woodland elves are beautiful.  Sigh.  Not a mistake I shall be making again.

There. I hope you've all enjoyed a quick canter through my holiday snaps.  If you wish to see any more then do pop over, I shall be pleased to regale you with all two thousand pictures, wine and cheese, and possibly a slap around the face when you start to drift off at around picture one thousand four hundred and nine.

And now I have to go and find a cure for horse-borne vampirism.  I suspect it involves secret herbs, incantations at midnight and a hefty application of a rolled-up copy of the Radio Times.


Cat Marsters/Kate Johnson said...

Mitchell fell off because he can't ride in skinny jeans. And his horse was half the size of the others. And his best friend's a werewolf: that sort of thing'll spook a pony.

Chris Stovell said...

I was a bit apprehensive about wandering over to look at you holding your Bum. Maybe if you grasp your Bum firmly in your hands when you're horse riding (tricky, I know, what do you do about the reins?) we will be able to see you? Anyway, well worth coming over for a good old nosey at your holiday photos... four children (faints). All seem to have had a good time.

Jane Lovering said...

@Kate - Vampires are shocking riders anyway. When was the last time a vampire won a three-day-event? Too busy posing to concentrate, that's the trouble.

@Chris - Next time I'm trotting through the countryside I shall seize my Bum and get someone to take pictures. And I'm glad you appreciate my holiday snaps, I shall be round tomorrow with the other million, to talk you through the whole holiday! Put the kettle on!

Marian Perera said...

I enjoyed the captions, but unfortunately I don't know enough about horses to tell which one is the bay. Is it the one with the darker mane and tail?

The colt with the white socks is adorable!

Talli Roland said...

Bum. Interesting name for a mag. Those Slovenians, eh? Unexpected folk!

If you find a cure for the vampirism, let me know. Maybe I'll actually be able to go out in daytime! :)

Jane Lovering said...

Marian, you are right, the bay is the darker horse. With the invisible vampire on, obviously.

Talli, on current evidence, holding your Bum is a cure for vampirism, so if you want to go out in daylight, grasp your Bum with both hands, and walk tall and proud. Well, maybe not proud...