As any of you who have paid even the scantest attention to me recently will know, I am in the process of editing my new book (Please Don't Stop the Music- published 01 February by Choc Lit publishing, available from Amazon and all good book retailers shortly).
And it may astonish you to know - for I am a clean living and well spoken individual - that a major portion of my editing is taking out swear words.
So now I must put out an appeal. Let us find homes for these now-unwanted swear words! Yes, a bugger is for life, not just for Christmas! And besides, I'm up to my knees in them, I mean seriously, and these things are expensive to maintain. So, if you feel you can take a homeless swear-word to your heart, then make a donation today, or even offer a home to a lonely bloody. These words were someone's vocabulary once; they were loved, appreciated, given a place in a sentence and now they find themselves excised from a manuscript with no sense of remorse! Cast out into the lonely cold world! Doesn't it bring a tear to your eye?
Give what you can now and maybe you can save a sodding hell from a miserable end.
Imagine their little faces when they open the box and a bastard and two pillocks jump out to greet them!
And now, with your guilt well and truly invoked, I must leave you to return to my rehoming of all those dubious words... and I'll put you down for a buggery, shall I?