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Sunday, 13 February 2011

Being Allowed Out in Public in Unsuitable Underwear - A Survivor's Tale

I'm sure you'll all be delighted to hear that no-one was injured, I kept my clothes on and that the nearest we came to a fatality was when my smile threatened to knock a bookcase over.

Oh, sorry, didn't I say?  I'm talking about yesterday's book signing, in which I performed two parts, that of manic author, stuffed with E-numbers and wearing unsuitable underwear, and also that of responsible business woman, keen to press her latest novel onto members of the public.  I think I managed to carry it off.  Although there was one unsightly moment when I became confused, threatened to press my unsuitable underwear on a passing businessman and had to be restrained behind the Two For One offers desk.

Anyway.  For those who missed it, this is what I looked like.


You can't see it, but there was a tin of Quality Street on the desk.  No, really, there was.  It only looks as though I'm sitting on it to prevent casual running thefts of the green triangles.  And don't stare at my cleavage for too long, you'll go blind.

This signing was undertaken (with the minimum of protective clothing) at the York branch of Waterstones, where they make unruly authors very nice cups of coffee and give them a really comfy chair.  I admit that I did forget to bring a pen, and entertained a brief idea of having to sign copies of my novel using my own spit and a soggy toffee-finger, but my lovely husband had thoughtfully shoved a biro into his pocket only that very morning, and I was able to write my name in the usual fashion.  Which, I think, may have disappointed some customers, but you can't have everything, can you.

And here's another one.

Just to prove the Quality Street thing.  And that there were actual customers in the shop, they didn't just pretend to let me in, whilst in reality closing the shop to real people.  There are two of them visible, probably plotting how to relieve me of my Strawberry Creams, although they may still be in shock, I fear I may have rushed up to them bearing bookmarks and incoherent gabble.  But at least my husband is smiling.

And I meant it about not staring at my cleavage.  You'll start to lose your v  ion and ever  hing w l  start t  l ok
all br ken up.  So d n't do   t.

11 comments:

Tracey said...

Yeyyyyyyyyyyyyy It sounds and looks like a good day was had.. As i've said on numerous occasions its a brilliant book and ,and of course the book in question, deserve to do really well..

Well Done you xx

Talli Roland said...

Gosh, you look so presentable! :) I like your hair! Glad to hear no-one was injured or maimed and it all went off okay. I was thinking about you yesterday (in a PVC yet non-sexual sort of way).

Jan Jones said...

You look fab, Jane - glad it went well.

Elizabeth Currie said...

Well done Jane! And I didn't come in just for the free chocs honest! Hope it goes from strength to strength.
Liz

Ruth said...

Strawberry creams - hmmm - is that a metaphor? Disappointed not to see any PVC - for the fun of it btw! but you do look the part, and having a real live bystander (bysitter?) actually proving that the book is worth reading, is an added bonus.

Chris Stovell said...

Aw, flip! My comments keep disappearing today. All I said was that you looked full of gorgeosity and I bet you had loads of interest. For the book too. (Bit jealous you get a proper Waterstone's screen! I've obviously got to work harder at being a Proper Author!). Well done!

Chris Stovell said...

Ah, now I see! You've got comment approval thingy so will have more than enough comments from me.

Jane Lovering said...

Thank you to all of you! All support was gratefully received (no-one tells you how tough it is, being nice for three hours to people you don't know who don't want to buy your book). To be honest, I think the smell of hot plastic from my underwear might have put them off a bit...

Jane Lovering said...

And can never have enough comments from you, Chris!

Lynda Renham Cook said...

Oh oh oh, you look so abfab. Way to go!!!
xx

Lizzie L said...

Jane, just found your blog via Face Book/ Morgan Bailey's blog. I've got to create my own blog one day (at the moment trying to finish the novel and keeping up with Facebook and Twitter is enough for me). Just hope mine comes over as funny and interseting as yours. Have ordered your novel off Amazon - to go on the top of the TBR pile. If it makes the stack teeter, topple over and kills me before I submit my novel to the NWS I'm coming back to haunt you. Ha Ha. Keep it coming. Lizzie