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Monday, 21 February 2011

Blu-Tac, gin and sitting on Jimmy Saville.

I know, I know, I'm a day late with the blog this week.  I shall attribute the tardiness to my general level of snot-production this last week, which was prolific, and it is very hard to type and blow at the same time.  As it is the screen of my laptop is ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// and the keyboard has got ///////////////////////////////// with ///////////////////all over the Y key.  (This sentence has been edited for those among you whose stomachs may be a little less sturdy than average.  Suffice it to say that it is quite disgusting, and, should your imagination not be equal to the task, you really don't need to know).

Anyway. I'm here now.  So, what can I tell you?  This week is half-term, and I shall mostly be found sealed hermetically into my room with my laptop, finding new ways to avoid writing.  Chief among these will be my interview with Morgen Bailey, which will be podcast this week as Bailey's Writing Tips.  It's all right, I've managed to suppress my desire to have my hair cut again in honour of the event, I shall simply be wearing it swept back in an elegant style, and offset with a cocktail dress in simple velour (always assuming the new sofa covers arrive in time).  And pearls.  Obviously.  Because I am a Lady.

Well, not so much actual pearls, for although I am a Lady I find myself struck with impecunity (it's all right, I've got an ointment), and will have to mock up a pearl necklace using Blu-Tac and some marbles, but I shall look stunning nonetheless.

Like this, but with added Blu-Tac.  And snot.  And a less whimsical expression because, let's face it, she looks as though she's just now realising that she has inadvertently seated herself upon Jimmy Saville.  Which is a huge faux-pas in such circles.

In Other News, I also have to do my Tesco Shopping and assist my husband in his reorganisation of a briefcase which threatens to Overwhelm Us All. But it smells of new leather, which is curiously like the smell of fish, and oddly reassuring.  I also have to finish seeing off the last remnants of The Cold, which was unlike normal colds in its manner of attack - but I think half a pint of gin should do it.  And should also set me up nicely for the podcast too, although I shall do my utmost to avoid sitting on Jimmy Saville during the event.

Because...well.  You know.  I've got my marbles to think about.


Elizabeth Currie said...

Awesome (aweful?) pic of Jimmy Saville there. Quite spoiled my day! Don't know whether to laugh, cry or look around for that half pint of gin you talk of. Whatever happened to 'real men'? You can either address that one in your next blog, or pass tactfully over ...! Oh and good luck with the marbles (what IS he doing with his shorts there??).

Rachel Lyndhurst said...

Those shorts. That man-bob ... Are you sure you're over the cold? *Shiver*

Do you reckon Jimmy's playsuit is polyester or nylon? Pass the rest of the gin, that pic is just horrible ...


Ruth said...

I hope he's not 'fixing it' for some poor unsuspecting person!
I, for one, can certainly think of better places to be seated than anywhere near said 'celeb'/sleb?

Lola Sharp said...

I hope you feel better.
I just came down with the funk yesterday. It's evil. Even my ears hurt. *pouts*

That is quite a style that he's sporting. o_0

Fun blog you have here. :)


Jane Lovering said...

Ah, dear Jimmy and his polyester pants... I hear he gave off sparks he stood too close to an electrical source. Is he even still alive? Have I been rash with my promises not to sit upon him? Urgh, mind now filled with visions of a zombie Jimmy Saville..

And Lola - thank you! Hope you feel better soon.

ange said...

I think you're protesting a little too much over our Jimbo! Think you might have a little crush going on...
Thanks for the funny blog. Just what's needed on a dreary February afternoon.
Ange Barton X

Sarah Callejo said...

I shouldn't have come to your blog during my lunch break. I will now get indigestion thanks to All this talk about snot and that weird man who I had to google because I couldn't believe he really existed.

Talli Roland said...

First Tony, now Jimmy? Dear oh dear...