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Sunday, 3 April 2011

...and then there was a big bang and the end fell off.

I should never be allowed within a mile of technology.  I realise this would prove restrictive, eg, this blog would have to be delivered via me shouting individually through your letterboxes which would probably curtail my social life quite severely and also be expensive.  But it would mean that my chances of pressing the wrong button and deleting the whole post would be less.  Although I suppose I could commit the technology-free equivalent, of shouting through the wrong person's letterbox, thus ensuring that my words of wisdomish never actually reached your ears...

And why, I hear you cry, for your voices are loud and, truth be told, really rather penentrating particularly this early in the day when I had half a bottle of wine the night before, so if you could keep it down I would be very grateful?  I shall tell you.  Lean close, my dears, for this is a tale that begins one dark and stormy night...

Pretty much like this, only a bit more gothic...  For I found myself in the streets of York, wandering carelessly over the cobbles like a windblown McDonalds wrapper only a bit less greasy.  And, it goes without saying, without a giant yellow M all over me.  Anyway.  I was inexplicably drawn to the doors of Waterstones bookshop, pulled as though by a giant, invisible elastic band...one of those thick ones, not those stupid thin ones that snap and ping back to hit you on the cheek leaving a little red mark that you spend the day explaining away...  Propelled by same elastic force, and also just a little bit by my own legs, I was flung through the doors and into the comfortable and luxurious inside!  Yes!  I will pause here for you to draw breath, suck your teeth and shake your head at the folly of my being allowed out of doors unattended by my usual care-force.

 
This is how I picture you right now...


So, I wend..err..wended...went my way inside and towards the back of the shop, where bookshelves are arraigned.  The books upon them are not just wiggled into place higgledy-piggeldy you know!  They are alphabeticised!  And lo, I found myself crouched, sheltering from the storm which raged outside (see above) right next to the 'L''s.  And, just as a particularly arcane and indeed eldritch crash of thunder boomed out overhead, my eyes fell upon ... MY OWN BOOK!  Yes, well may ye gather your skirts around you and draw closer to the fire, for I had foreseen the coming of the shelving!  And, and this is the important bit that relates back to the beginning of this post, I attempted to photograph, for posterity, this positioning of both cover and words in such form that the passing public may be tempted to peruse, nay, purchase, said book.

I took three shots of my own thumb, two of my own face (the camera was on a phone and facing the wrong way, but it's not my phone and, quite frankly, I think it's a bloody miracle that I managed not to call everyone in the address book) and finally.... a shot of Please Don't Stop the Music, resting amid other novels of its ilk.

But I can't work out how to get it a) off the phone and b) onto this blog.  So you'll just have to believe me.
This is what it looked like, though.  Only there were more of them.  And bigger.  And other books too.

9 comments:

Sally Zigmond said...

I believe you even without the proof. It's a fab moment, isn't it?

Ranae Rose said...

Sounds exciting! I've experienced something similar...I went to a concert of my absolute favorite band, and got to meet them all afterward! It was great, and I took cell-phone photos, but sadly, I never could figure out how to get them off of my husband's un-smart phone.

Jane Lovering said...

@Sally, yes, isn't it? The first time I'd ever seen my books in a real shop... Fabulous. I hope I never lose that feeling!

@RanaeRose, I'm so glad it's not just me! But at least we *have* the pictures as proof, if anyone cares enough to wait while we whip the phones out..

Sarah Callejo said...

Aren't you going to tell us the second part? When the clients ran out of the bookshop crying "Help, crazy woman shoving purple book under our nose and threatening to show us her belly if we don't buy it"...

Jane Lovering said...

Oh, it was *you* standing there looking terrified! Sorry I didn't recognise you, I had my 'crazy eyes' on.

Lucie said...

Congratulations! I hope I get to experience that feeling one day.
(the feeling of seeing my book on the shelf in a 'real' shop....not the terror at seeing you with your 'crazy eyes') :-)

Elizabeth Currie said...

Entertaining as ever Jane! I'm sure there are many geeks who would offer you advice on how to download pics from your phone to your computer, however I am not one of them as it's a technology that eludes me too (oddly, I can usually manage others, except wordpress that is). I downloaded all the so-called right software for my phone and my computer still won't 'recognise' my phone. Apparently they hate each other. Quite often I hate them both in their different ways too, as you do anything you depend upon that has this sort of malign power over you. I'm sure the pics were very tasteful & engaging! I'll imagine them. But somehow your description of 'wandering carelessly over the cobbles like a windblown Macdonald's wrapper' was far more teasing & evocative to the imagination!

LindyLouMac in Italy said...

As promised here I am, wondering after such an amusing read why it has taken me so long to discover your blog. It must be a wonderful feeling to see your own work in bookshops.
Transferring photos from your camera to computer is easy once you find the connection lead which should have come with your phone.

Jane Lovering said...

Thank you LindyLou and Elizabeth for your attempts to make me feel better about my uselessness with technology. I still feel useless, of course, but better about it...

And Lucie - you haven't lived until you've seen my 'crazy eyes'. But you're right, it was fabulous seeing the book there!