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Sunday, 17 April 2011

Nyer-nyer ner ner ner...

Well, you can't say I didn't tell you.  Go on, try, because I think you'll find that your tongue cleaves unto the roof of your mouth like...you know that thing where you try to stuff as many marshmallows into your mouth as you can, and then say 'Chubby Bunnies', and you end up 'Floffffing' and have to go and spit into the nearest potted plant?  Oh come on, we all went to those parties, didn't we?  Anyway.  Like that.

For it was many moons ago, and actually, when you consider that there's a moon every day (or night, as it were), it was exactly the same number of moons ago as it was days.  Anyway. Have I lost any of you yet?  If anyone needs a break to go to the toilet, or to enable them to get a good headstart, then do go now.  I'll wait.  I have your names....


So.  A long while ago (it will have been about 2007) I sold my first novel to Samhain in the States.  It was called Reversing Over Liberace. As indeed it still is.  It was published as an e-book, so, prior to its publication, I attempted to interest the local populace in e-books in general.  Well, specifically mine, but you know what I mean. Ah, those heady days of 2007!  When the Royal Wedding was but a misty-eyed dream for the souvenir manufacturers and when the word 'Kindle' meant to set fire to something, which was a mistake and anyway nothing was ever proven and that petrol was planted on me and I never actually intended to cause criminal damage..ahem.  And when, try as I might, persuading people to buy books to download and read on their computer screens was like trying to sell twelve tonnes of slightly-gone-off Gorgonzola to a set of cheese-intolerants.


Of course, when the book came out in paperback it was a different story, as though people needed to be able to handle the book for it to be real.  Which is strange, I've never handled David Tennant, yet I firmly believe him to be a real person, even though I have my doubts about his hair.  But still I championed the e-book, despite all those slightly curled noses and the cries of 'read on a screen?' which you have to imagine to have been intoned in Lady Bracknellesque fashion.


And now look at us. Well, not at me, obviously, because I am shy and have a tendency to frizzy hair in the mornings and anyway I'm wearing my horrible cardigan, but look at people in general.  Go on.  I'll wait.


There.  I bet that somewhere within your circle, unless your circle is very small, or you're on retreat at a monastery in rural Cork with no walls and where you have to sleep on a donkey, someone will have a Kindle.  Even I have a Kindle, and you all know what I'm like with electrical objects.


Mine looks a bit like this. Only without the weird slug-balancing dude.  We're all at it.  Reading e-books.  Just like I predicted FOUR YEARS AGO.  So, just remember that, when I'm trying to get you to put your life-savings onto a horse called Jam Factory in the 4.30 from Plumpton.  I know what I'm talking about.

Discuss.

12 comments:

Lesley Cookman said...

Well, of course you know what you're talking about. Look at how you feel about Tony Robinson...

Jane Lovering said...

Sigh. Counting the hours until tonight's Time Team...

Janice Horton said...

Next time I want to know the future Jane - I'm gonna by pass my astrologer and come straight to you - 'cos you definitely know what you are talking about! xx

www.janicehortonwriter.blogspot.com

damyantiwrites said...

Entertaining post :)

I'm thinking of doing an e-book for Kindle, but feel a bit lost. words of advice?

Jane Lovering said...

Janice - verily, I am a guru!

Damyantiwrites - sorry, can't help with the practicalities, my publisher dealt with the whole 'book' thing. Best advice I can offer is to have a HUGE marketing platform before you publish, cos e-books? You have to put in a LOT of effort to sell, and I had a publisher behind me...going it alone is going to mean a lot of work.

Anyone else got any advice to add?

Talli Roland said...

Um... I'm with Jane. Make sure you have a good platform built up, a fab cover and a snappy blurb. Marketing takes A LOT of work, but none of it will work long term if the product isn't eye-catching.

Jane Lovering said...

Oh, and I have to add, if you're doing it yourself, make sure you've had a really good editor give it at least one pass over before you put it out there. Nothing screams louder than copy that isn't edited, and you don't always notice yourself the typos and continuity errors (and I should know!)

Andrew Culture said...

The standard reaction I get when I mention my Kindle is a sort of techno version of 'Bah-humbug' (and I'm using 'techno' as an abbreviation of technical, I'm not trying to say there's a dance-techno version of anything related to 'A Christmas Carol' out there, but there might be, my research is quite lacking in that area. I guess if I've had to put this much text in brackets to explain an abbreviation then it renders the whole exercise of trying to abbreviate things a bit redundant, and what's worse is the fact that large chucks of explanatory text in brackets distracts the reader and makes it harder for them to follow what the hell is going on. Now where was I? Oh yeah...) Today I saw a really big crow.

Jane Lovering said...

Andrew - you mean you've never heard the album 'Dickens, Trance-style'? Best Album Ever. After Kate Bush's rendition of a Bugatti Veyron Pur-Sang going up a hill. Number two in the album charts as I speak.

Andrew Culture said...

It'll never beat the 'Black Metal Bard' (in my head).

More usefully here's how to self publish to the Kindle store - https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/signin

They appear to take anything submitted, which is great for creative democracy, but potentially dire for their reputation as a peddler of quality fiction...

Flowerpot said...

I'm behind n hte Kindle stakes I'm afraid but I know most people have one. And next time I want my fortune told I will ask you Jane!

Bluestocking Mum said...

You truly are a techno guru Jane!

I have been contemplating Kindle for far too long. Chris S has been talking about it and merits for writers for ages.
It's time to take the plunge and get 21st C!

x