Right. First things firstly. My short story 'Just like a cat' is printed in this month's copy of 'Your Cat' magazine. You should dash out and buy it immediately, you can't miss it, it has a picture of a cat on the front. And inside. Lots of pictures of cats, and my story. And other things too, of course, all cat-related, plus a really lovely picture of me and my cat. I tried to send them a picture of me with an elephant, but apparently Your Cat is a bit of a giveaway, cats are de rigueur. So there.
Next up. I have been awarded a Versatile Blogger Award by the lovely and fragrant Janice Horton. It looks like this -
Oh, hang on, I've got one.
1. I can eat Marshmallows. I don't just mean physically, anyone with a mouth and the ability to breathe whilst attempting to swallow something the size of a small bolster can do this, I can eat Marshmallows by the packetful, and not suffer any toxic sugar reactions at all. I don't even feel slightly sick. Nope. Can't do Mars Bars, yuk, but Marshmallows - no probs.
Hmmm. Something else. Interesting and personal. Oooh. Here's one.
2. I cannot stand lupins. They are creepy. Hollyhocks and delphiniums are nearly as bad, but not quite as terrifying as lupins.
3. I once raised a Pipistrelle bat by keeping it down my bra. It didn't want to be raised there, it was hoping for fresh air, open spaces and the ability for a little recreational old-lady-scaring, but it didn't have a say in the matter. Bats can't talk.
4. (I'm getting into this now.) I have Psychic Navigational Abilities. This means I don't need a map, or GPS, I just point myself towards the end of my route and travel there without getting lost. All right, sometimes it takes me a few days to actually arrive, and I'm often a little damper than I like when I get there, and mountains can be quite hard to get over when you're driving Peter Sallis, but nevertheless, I still get to my intended destination.
5. I am the fourth BeeGee. Yep. Can't sing, can't dance (that's why they keep me hidden), but I do look fantastic in very tight white trousers, and I can do the squeaky voice like no-one's business. Ah ah ah ah, stayin' alive. Believe me now?
6. I've got a story in this month's Your Cat magazine. Oh. I've done that one, have I? Ummm. Sssssshh, thinking..... I've never been to Swindon. There, how's that? I am going to Swindon, but bearing in mind that I shall be travelling using Psychic Navigational techniques perfected by myself over years of training, I may be able to continue in my inadvertant non-visitation of Swindon for some time. I'm sure there are many other places, equally lovely and friendly, that I haven't been to either, but for now Swindon will have to do.
7. I find potatoes very boring. Urgh, totally dull, as a foodstuff and I have it on good authority that they make rubbish stand-up comedians too. Would you want to be stuck at a party with nothing but a King Edward's for company? Well, there you go then, I rest my case... Rice and pasta are pretty nearly as bad, but potatoes really take the biscuit in the bland mouth fluff department. Sorry.
Now I understand that I must pass this award on to seven other bloggers of my immediate acquaintance. So, here goes...
Of course, all of these people hate me...
Best of luck, chaps....
The Oxford Book of Contemporary Verse 1945 - 1980, edited by D J Enright, Reviewed. - Judgement of poetry is perhaps even more subjective than for prose. The poetic form either speaks to us or not, and our response to it is as much to do wit...
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