Right. First things firstly. My short story 'Just like a cat' is printed in this month's copy of 'Your Cat' magazine. You should dash out and buy it immediately, you can't miss it, it has a picture of a cat on the front. And inside. Lots of pictures of cats, and my story. And other things too, of course, all cat-related, plus a really lovely picture of me and my cat. I tried to send them a picture of me with an elephant, but apparently Your Cat is a bit of a giveaway, cats are de rigueur. So there.
Next up. I have been awarded a Versatile Blogger Award by the lovely and fragrant Janice Horton. It looks like this -
Oh, hang on, I've got one.
1. I can eat Marshmallows. I don't just mean physically, anyone with a mouth and the ability to breathe whilst attempting to swallow something the size of a small bolster can do this, I can eat Marshmallows by the packetful, and not suffer any toxic sugar reactions at all. I don't even feel slightly sick. Nope. Can't do Mars Bars, yuk, but Marshmallows - no probs.
Hmmm. Something else. Interesting and personal. Oooh. Here's one.
2. I cannot stand lupins. They are creepy. Hollyhocks and delphiniums are nearly as bad, but not quite as terrifying as lupins.
3. I once raised a Pipistrelle bat by keeping it down my bra. It didn't want to be raised there, it was hoping for fresh air, open spaces and the ability for a little recreational old-lady-scaring, but it didn't have a say in the matter. Bats can't talk.
4. (I'm getting into this now.) I have Psychic Navigational Abilities. This means I don't need a map, or GPS, I just point myself towards the end of my route and travel there without getting lost. All right, sometimes it takes me a few days to actually arrive, and I'm often a little damper than I like when I get there, and mountains can be quite hard to get over when you're driving Peter Sallis, but nevertheless, I still get to my intended destination.
5. I am the fourth BeeGee. Yep. Can't sing, can't dance (that's why they keep me hidden), but I do look fantastic in very tight white trousers, and I can do the squeaky voice like no-one's business. Ah ah ah ah, stayin' alive. Believe me now?
6. I've got a story in this month's Your Cat magazine. Oh. I've done that one, have I? Ummm. Sssssshh, thinking..... I've never been to Swindon. There, how's that? I am going to Swindon, but bearing in mind that I shall be travelling using Psychic Navigational techniques perfected by myself over years of training, I may be able to continue in my inadvertant non-visitation of Swindon for some time. I'm sure there are many other places, equally lovely and friendly, that I haven't been to either, but for now Swindon will have to do.
7. I find potatoes very boring. Urgh, totally dull, as a foodstuff and I have it on good authority that they make rubbish stand-up comedians too. Would you want to be stuck at a party with nothing but a King Edward's for company? Well, there you go then, I rest my case... Rice and pasta are pretty nearly as bad, but potatoes really take the biscuit in the bland mouth fluff department. Sorry.
Now I understand that I must pass this award on to seven other bloggers of my immediate acquaintance. So, here goes...
Of course, all of these people hate me...
Best of luck, chaps....
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