I've never wanted a Ford. Well, apart from that time I was crossing the river and my boots fell off and one of them floated downstream and I had to walk home in my socks, I have to admit that a ford would have been damned useful on that occasion. Or a bridge, a bridge would have been better, because I'm not sure that a small line of raised concrete would have been much use to me, other than to perforate my socks as I attempted to wade with dignity from the water, while my boots made sad little 'ploppy' noises as they submerged. And there is little sadder than the sight of a rapidly sinking wellington when you're three miles from home and it's chilly underfoot.
Where was I? Oh, yes. I've had to buy a new car. There is a long and inevitably boring story behind why I need another car, suffice it to say that our family needs three cars. Oh. Well, I suppose the story isn't really that long then. So, last week I went out on the hunt for a car. Bear it in mind that I know about as much about cars as I do about orthopaedic surgery or lawn management. And also try to keep in mind that, since I haven't won the lottery yet (despite Mystic Meg's perpetual pronouncements that 'Today is a Lucky Day',one of which I even received on the Day of the Boot Submergence) my car buying budget was on the infinitessimal side of pathetic. And the only car I could find was an N reg Ford Fiesta.
I didn't want a Ford. I mean, ideally I'd like a Bugatti. Well, no, what I'd really like is a Lamborghini or a Maserati, but I can't reliably spell those on any forms I'd have to fill in, and besides, any of those Italian jobs just make me think of Jeremy Clarkson, because they are the sort of cars he's always showing off in, so, in an attempt to ward off having to think of Jeremy Clarkson, I decided to go for the Ford.
And now, for some bizarre reason, I think of Peter Sallis. Peter Sallis, him from Last of the Summer Wine, the one who isn't dead. The bloke who does the voice for Wallis and Grommit. Yes. Him. As far as I know, he doesn't have anything to do with Ford Fiestas, apart from just maybe having owned one at some stage in his life, but maybe not even that. I think it's something about the front end, it has this kind of 'nose' which reminds me of Peter Sallis's.
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