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Sunday, 17 July 2011

The 'No Duck Tape, Honestly' Blog Tour

Okay people, listen up.

Oh, all right, in your case you can listen down, but just this once.  And no other exceptions, right?  No, you at the back, you are not allowed to listen diagonally.  No, I don't care about your leaning disorder.  Just prop yourself the other way, this is important. Particularly if you wish to win one of three copies of the Document known hereafter as 'Starstruck' (or, to keep this from prying eyes, simply The Book).

This is about my Blog Tour.  Here's a map.

Now, in order to advance here , firstly we need to make sure all positions here and here are secured.  Are you following?  Because there will be chocolate...  So, to that end, firstly we have annexed the blog run by those squirrels at The Nut Press.  This could be a tricky manoeuvre on account of the acorns, but we've managed to secure our position on Monday 18 July.  This is particularly important to anyone wishing to win a copy of the said Book.  For there will be clues implanted in all Blog Tour posts (in the form of CAPITALISED WORDS), which must be followed in order to capture...I mean, to win, yes, win, there will be no capturing, no tying to chairs and absolutely NO, and I repeat, NO Duck Tape... Look upon it as a sort of Enigma Device, dreamed up by someone with a serious cheese habit, veins running with liquid chocolate and after three bottles of Chateau Horse, all right.

Clues.  Yes.  There will be words.  Words which must be collected, carefully excised from the script, decanted into matchboxes and gently preserved; fingers lovingly dwelling upon each and every syllable, until the final blog tour post, upon which date all these words may be once more revealed unto daylight, rearranged into an order that makes sense to yourself, dear reader, and the question thus posed answered.  When you have found your military solution, then it must be mailed forthwith to the lovely people at Choc Lit, who will enter you to win one of the copies of the Secure Document, and then there's nothing else to do but sit back, invade any small countries of your choosing, and wait around your letterbox for a large plop.

If your letterbox looks like this then you are not expecting a book, you are expecting Blue Tits.

Right. So.  Do we have our strategy straight?  Blog tour, posts, capitalised words, anagram, answer, suspicious egg stains, funny smell, moist... yep, I think that's everything covered.  So now it only remains for me to allow you access to the secret document that is the Blog Tour itinerary.  Take care and cover your ears, for some of these are slightly explosive...

18 July The Nut Press  (watch out for walnuts, those squirrels are demons)
25 July LoveRomancePassion (good for a quick snog)
01 August Dizzy C's Little Book Blog (who has given me a Birthday Honour..I'm so touched...)
08 August Katy Little Lady's blog (which has gone blue.  No idea why.  No reflection, I'm sure)
An interview with Novelicious on 11 August (that one's purple again.  Odd...)
15 August DebsDayDreams (brought to you from a shed.  Yep.  Shed.  But the biscuits are nice.)
22 August Lucie Wheeler's blog (she makes me laugh. Must take my reinforced pants)
29 August I breathe a huge sigh of relief (as do you all) and finish my blog tour at Choc Lit.

Now, places people please.  I want you over here, pushing these model planes around on this board that I've painted to look just like Middle Earth, you can talk into these headphones using words like 'Alpha Bravo Charlie Tango' (no, I don't know what they mean either, but it's apparently essential), and you... well, looking at you I'm not sure what to do with you.  You can be in charge of uniforms or something.

This is it, folks.  This is what we're all fighting for...  Now, be careful out there!

And remember what I said about the Duck Tape.


Lesley Cookman said...

I refuse to look after the uniforms. No, I didn't stamp my foot. And I'm going to invade Luxembourg after lunch.

Jane Lovering said...

All right, Lesley is now officially in charge of Luxembourg. They'd better have chocolate there, that's all - by the way, who got Switzerland?

Kath said...

*burps* Oh, sorry, was I not supposed to eat Switzerland? In my defence, it was covered in Lindt chocolate and I only went in for a little nibble before... well, it's not that big a country, after all. Wasn't that big a country.