Oh, all right, in your case you can listen down, but just this once. And no other exceptions, right? No, you at the back, you are not allowed to listen diagonally. No, I don't care about your leaning disorder. Just prop yourself the other way, this is important. Particularly if you wish to win one of three copies of the Document known hereafter as 'Starstruck' (or, to keep this from prying eyes, simply The Book).
This is about my Blog Tour. Here's a map.
Now, in order to advance here
Clues. Yes. There will be words. Words which must be collected, carefully excised from the script, decanted into matchboxes and gently preserved; fingers lovingly dwelling upon each and every syllable, until the final blog tour post, upon which date all these words may be once more revealed unto daylight, rearranged into an order that makes sense to yourself, dear reader, and the question thus posed answered. When you have found your military solution, then it must be mailed forthwith to the lovely people at Choc Lit, who will enter you to win one of the copies of the Secure Document, and then there's nothing else to do but sit back, invade any small countries of your choosing, and wait around your letterbox for a large plop.
If your letterbox looks like this then you are not expecting a book, you are expecting Blue Tits.
Right. So. Do we have our strategy straight? Blog tour, posts, capitalised words, anagram, answer, suspicious egg stains, funny smell, moist... yep, I think that's everything covered. So now it only remains for me to allow you access to the secret document that is the Blog Tour itinerary. Take care and cover your ears, for some of these are slightly explosive...
18 July The Nut Press (watch out for walnuts, those squirrels are demons)
25 July LoveRomancePassion (good for a quick snog)
01 August Dizzy C's Little Book Blog (who has given me a Birthday Honour..I'm so touched...)
08 August Katy Little Lady's blog (which has gone blue. No idea why. No reflection, I'm sure)
An interview with Novelicious on 11 August (that one's purple again. Odd...)
15 August DebsDayDreams (brought to you from a shed. Yep. Shed. But the biscuits are nice.)
22 August Lucie Wheeler's blog (she makes me laugh. Must take my reinforced pants)
29 August I breathe a huge sigh of relief (as do you all) and finish my blog tour at Choc Lit.
Now, places people please. I want you over here, pushing these model planes around on this board that I've painted to look just like Middle Earth, you can talk into these headphones using words like 'Alpha Bravo Charlie Tango' (no, I don't know what they mean either, but it's apparently essential), and you... well, looking at you I'm not sure what to do with you. You can be in charge of uniforms or something.
This is it, folks. This is what we're all fighting for... Now, be careful out there!
And remember what I said about the Duck Tape.