Today I have to focus. I've twiddled the special little knob at the back of my head which enables me to bring everything into sharp relief and...ooh, did I tell you about my walk along the beach at Bamburgh? Oh. I did. Right. Even that bit about the...oh. That too, eh? Okay. Right. In that case there's nothing else for it.
I am going to have to talk about my book.
On Thursday this week, being the first of the month and the month of its being, Starstruck is released upon the public like ...umm...like a big shiny thing being launched. No, not the Titanic, you at the back. It is, even now, poised upon the slipway, straining at the taut ropes with an expression of eager arousal...hang on, is this still the book? Oh, it is. All right then. Some very kind people have already read it and they appear to like it quite a lot, using such words as 'pink', 'Nevada', 'laughed', and 'effulgent'. All right, I made that last one up, no-one said it was effulgent, although it might well be, who am I to comment?
Are you sure I told you about the beach at Bamburgh? Oh.
So. In honour of its being allowed out into the public domain with its big-boy pants on, I want you all (yes, even you at the back who made the 'Titanic' remark) to rush out and buy it. It is an excellent read, with only one Dalek in - and that's inflatable - which will make you both laugh and hurry to the biscuit tin. That's the book, not the Dalek. I don't think Daleks have ever made anyone hurry to the biscuit tin, if you don't count that bit with the Jammy Dodger. Daleks have no HobNob appreciation skills, and for that reason alone they should be wiped from the Universe.
I bet they pick out all the chocolate ones. You can tell from their faces that's the sort of thing they'd do.
Anyway. You will like it, I promise. Or your money back. Oh, no, hang on a minute, I've just got the electricity bill so I need the money, so you can't have it back, but if you don't like it I will...ummm... be quite sorry. I might even do 'sad face'. And you don't want that on your conscience, do you, and anyway I am quite convinced that you will like the book, which has some very funny bits in. So buy it.
Are you absolutely positive that I didn't tell you about the beach at Bamburgh?
Coming soon: Not Your Cinderella, a royal wedding romance - You are invited to a royal wedding... He’s a prince. She’s a barmaid. It’s never going to work. All Jamie wants to do is finish his PhD and live a life of ...
1 day ago