All rightie, people, listen up! Except for you at the back, you just keep on listening sideways, I know you can't help it.
I have Pieces of News for you. Firstly. Or thirdly, if you're listening sideways. Next week is Chocolate Week. No, I'm not sure what it involves either, I am presuming that it doesn't mean that Tuesday is brought to us courtesy of Cadburys, although I think it would be a great idea to have days of the week sponsored by major manufacturers. I am going to apply now to Slumberland to have them sponsor Fridays. Imagine no longer having to ring in to work *sick* on Fridays, but to be able to legitimately be taking a 'Sponsored by Slumberland' day... Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, next week, chocolate...
Anyway. Because of said Chocolate Week, my delightful and only occasionally baffled and confused publishers Choc Lit are hosting a short story competition - which may be accessed directly by pressing the little purple button that links to the site from here (where it says Choc Lit, in case yours doesn't look purple. Mine does, but it's all right, I've got an ointment...) and they are also, in honour of the chocolate, reducing one e-title from each of us to the measly price of under £1! Yes! For less than the price of a bar of Fruit and Nut, you could be the proud owner of a copy of Please Don't Stop the Music (other titles are available). This is presupposing that you are not already the bustingly proud owner of a copy - and if not, why not? HOW long have I been drumming it in to you that you are supposed to rush to the bookshop and buy copies of my latest releases even before they are released? Hmmm? But if you aren't, you can now remedy the situation for small change. But bear in mind that I don't want to see you here again until you have, all right?
... and this. How much better can life be?
Well, yes, it could also have Tony in it. Good point.
And also in other news. Those of you who have hankered for a sighting of me in real life (and there are those of you, come on, don't be coy, I've seen the e-mails...) may have their chance. If you are quick, have really good eyesight and an empty stomach, then I may be seen at Malton Literary Festival on 23rd of this very month! I shall be performing there - not certain as to the nature of this performance yet, I've taken delivery of a set of multi-coloured juggling balls, a fire-eating set and some stilts, to the bemusement of my postman, but suspect that I shall probably be doing something along the lines of reading from my latest novel, Star Struck, and maybe giving a teensy little inside peek into my newest, yet-to-be-released (hell, it's yet to be titled) novel from Choc Lit. Which doesn't have Tony in it.
Right. Off now to perfect my stilt-walking, juggling, fire-eating act, just in case. If you see a really tall, slightly singed woman with RSI in both wrists, you'll know it's me.