Whoopee. The school holidays are here. Bunt out the hangings...
Do I sound a little underwhelmed? There is a very good reason for this - in fact, there are several.
1. Simply getting into town to do my shopping now takes at least 60% longer. Some may say that this is my own fault for living in the kind of picturesque place that other people come to take their holidays - which it is - but it is still incredibly annoying when you've only popped out for a packet of Giant Chocolate Buttons and a tin of catfood and find yourself in a queue of slow moving traffic as the tourists stop every twenty yards to take pictures.
2. The children are on holiday. I know, the clue is in the title, School Holidays. And being that I work in a school and everything, this should be a time of high rejoicing, of long leisurely mornings and late nights over bottles of wine. What it actually is, is a series of linked cries of 'can we go to...(insert name of expensive entertainment here)' 'have we got any ...(insert name of chocolate biscuit here)', or intricate arrangements with friends which involve careful dove-tailing of diaries to ensure that I am not expected to appear in several places simultaneously, like a kind of rule-breaking Doctor Who figure with less bouffy hair. Seriously though, his hair is really bouffy...
No. We haven't.
3. Or iii) as anyone with a classical education prefers to think of it. There are children everywhere. Okay, so I am responsible for some of them, but there are far more of them on the streets than I can possibly be called to account for. Honestly, you even see them coming out of DIY shops. What on earth can children be doing in a DIY shop? Are they stocking up on plasterboard and rawl plugs for a little wacky mayhem, a la Enid Blyton's epic 'Five Go to Reality TV'? Once I have gained the High Street of my aforementioned choosing, still in search of those Giant Chocolate Buttons and catfood, I now find myself having to weave through crowds of youthful cacklers, grubby faced and baggy of trouser, all sharing one IPhone to listen via multi-way headphones to a tinny rendition of Last Night of the Proms. Shocking.
Tears before bedtime, I tell you.
4. It's not fair. Whinge whinge. Moan. Complain. Yes, I really do sound like this. For, although it is the holidays, although the sun is shin... although the weather is ho... although it isn't actually hailing and the rain is only coming down in sheets occasionally, I still have to work. For the Blog Tour continues apace, I am about to visit the Love Romance Passion blog in my latest bid for world domination (check in there if you are following my competition to win one of three copies of Star Struck!), I have a new WIP which must be hosed down, scrubbed up and buffed if it is to be ready for your delectation, and, let's face it, someone has to do the washing up.
And now you must excuse me. I have to pack my all-weather supplies, my shotgun and my endurance pants and head to town, we've run out of catfood again. Maybe I'll get some chocolate biscuits this time...
Squirrel Stationery for #NationalStationeryWeek -
3 hours ago