Sunday, 1 January 2012

New Year's Revolutions

Firstly - a very Happy New Year to all of you sober enough to appreciate the sentiment.  I know, and profoundly hope, that is a very small number and that the majority of you are rolling around on the carpet muttering strange and bleary imprecations upon wine, or lying very still in a darkened room and swearing never, never to let another drop of alcohol pass your lips.  But.  For those of you that aren't - see above, the rest of them will just have to catch up later.

About June, probably.  I've seen the way they can drink.

Now.  Because it's a New Year, people have inexplicably taken to asking whether I've made any New Year's Revolutions.  I usually stare at them in a baffled way (because that's my default expression, that and this one....look... I'm doing it now....), and then I wonder if they mean when I turned over in bed just after midnight.  It wasn't really a revolution, as such, more of a half-wheelie with a double back duvet flip, but I suppose it counts, however, whenever I explain this to them they look at me in a similarly baffled way.

So I am supposing they must mean that, because this is a New Year, I must think of some major form of insurgence to perpetrate upon a small nation state. Most of the good countries are already spoken for, after all, although  I know that I have the power to make some Welsh people quite cross but I really don't think I can drive them to revolution, despite my, quite inflamatory, comments earlier this year about Aberystwyth, and am therefore at a bit of a loss. 


However, I've sorted the important details, such as the outfit I shall be wearing in order to revolve, my 'theme tune' ('Stay Awake' by Example - not particularly revolutionary as such, but it's good to dance to and if I'm going to be revolving, I'm going to be doing it to music), and my chant "Purple - because it's THERE!'.

So now I just have to think of somewhere to do it.  I'm thinking Yorkshire, because I'm already here and travelling to a revolution seems a bit..well...counterproductive, really.


I fear I may have my work cut out though.  Although I have noticed that the sheep are a little uppity at the moment and could, quite easily, be driven to acts of civil unrest.  If I play my cards right, and also obtain a large supply of sheep feed and a LandRover, I could be on to a winner, and also taking over a large part of the Moors!

So, altogether now!  'Purple!  Because it's THERE!'... why am I the only one shouting....?

3 comments:

Rachel Lyndhurst said...

Salt lick. Don't forget that. Sheep love it don't they? Goes with the tequila. Bloody hell is it really the 4th?

Susan Bergen said...

Lovely blog post! I'm hoping 2012 will be, for me, more of a New Year's 'Evolution'.My plan to inject some more writer's discipline into my life with 100k/100days is good, so far. So I must stop day-dreaming of your lovely purple moors and get back to work...

Jane Lovering said...

Salt lick is large. Very large. Had to mix bloody huge tequila to go with. Now have head. Head aches. To make worse, sheep laughing.

And Susan - discipline good. Must make note. More discipline, less tequila. Will write on passing sheep....