Firstly - a very Happy New Year to all of you sober enough to appreciate the sentiment. I know, and profoundly hope, that is a very small number and that the majority of you are rolling around on the carpet muttering strange and bleary imprecations upon wine, or lying very still in a darkened room and swearing never, never to let another drop of alcohol pass your lips. But. For those of you that aren't - see above, the rest of them will just have to catch up later.
About June, probably. I've seen the way they can drink.
Now. Because it's a New Year, people have inexplicably taken to asking whether I've made any New Year's Revolutions. I usually stare at them in a baffled way (because that's my default expression, that and this one....look... I'm doing it now....), and then I wonder if they mean when I turned over in bed just after midnight. It wasn't really a revolution, as such, more of a half-wheelie with a double back duvet flip, but I suppose it counts, however, whenever I explain this to them they look at me in a similarly baffled way.
So I am supposing they must mean that, because this is a New Year, I must think of some major form of insurgence to perpetrate upon a small nation state. Most of the good countries are already spoken for, after all, although I know that I have the power to make some Welsh people quite cross but I really don't think I can drive them to revolution, despite my, quite inflamatory, comments earlier this year about Aberystwyth, and am therefore at a bit of a loss.
However, I've sorted the important details, such as the outfit I shall be wearing in order to revolve, my 'theme tune' ('Stay Awake' by Example - not particularly revolutionary as such, but it's good to dance to and if I'm going to be revolving, I'm going to be doing it to music), and my chant "Purple - because it's THERE!'.
So now I just have to think of somewhere to do it. I'm thinking Yorkshire, because I'm already here and travelling to a revolution seems a bit..well...counterproductive, really.
I fear I may have my work cut out though. Although I have noticed that the sheep are a little uppity at the moment and could, quite easily, be driven to acts of civil unrest. If I play my cards right, and also obtain a large supply of sheep feed and a LandRover, I could be on to a winner, and also taking over a large part of the Moors!
So, altogether now! 'Purple! Because it's THERE!'... why am I the only one shouting....?
The Crash: Chapter One - A while ago I introduced one of my favourite characters to the world on my friend Angela's blog, and a lot of people have asked me when they'll get to read...
1 hour ago