I don't think I have ever been in possession of a bumper sticker. You know those things that...well, I suppose the name speaks for itself really, doesn't it? I've never had one. In fact, in a lot of cases, I've been lucky that my car actually had a bumper, and anything stuck to it was more likely in an attempt to keep the bumper as part of the car, rather than any kind of statement about my life choices - seriously, I've driven cars where duct tape was the only thing stopping bits from flying off at the giddy speed of 30mph. That's off the cars, obviously, not off me... and you have not lived if you have not experienced the horror of being overtaken by your own wing-mirror when attempting to turn a corner. Duct tape and string have formed the framework for most of my life and, I suspect, when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, I will be found to be largely constructed of those things, which means that post mortem I am going to come in extremely useful for mending fences and holding things to other things. "Ah.." will exclaim my next-of-kin, "she may not have had much to leave, but what she did leave has been wonderful for keeping the sheep off the dahlias."
Anyway. Bumper stickers. I was informed by TMMQ (whose mysteriosity only increases during statements such as these) that he once owned a bumper sticker informing those sufficiently interested that 'Rally Drivers Do It Sideways'. I think that this sentiment was occasioned by his having been one of those people that drives rally cars rather than any kind of general observation, but it made me think. If writers could have bumper stickers - what would they say? Being naturally inventive, and also truthfully inclined, I don't think I could ever drive along knowing that my rear end proclaimed to the world that 'My Other Car's a Porsche', even if it did mean that I could prove that I knew the correct use of the possessive apostrophe. 'I Don't Have Another Car' would be more truthful, but not really, you must admit, terribly snappy. I'm quite a fan of having 'My Other Boyfriend's Richard Armitage', to complete the multiple whammy of angering just about everyone in the country (it would even manage to annoy me, since I am one of the 0.0003% of the female population who hasn't fallen for the charms of Mr A). None of these, however, really capture the whole Writerly Experience though.
How about 'Writers Would Rather Clean The Bath Than Do It?'
Book Review: The Cliff House by Amanda Jennings - Devastating and deliciously dark, The Cliff House is less wish-fulfilment and more of a clever and disturbing reminder that things are rarely (if ever) how...
1 day ago