NEW - CRITIQUE SERVICE

I am now offering a critique and manuscript assessment service. For further details, please e mail me at janelovering@gmail.com

Sunday, 17 February 2013

Bumper Stickers and Richard Armitage. Yep, going for Most Incongruous Pairing of the Week again...

I don't think I have ever been in possession of a bumper sticker.  You know those things that...well, I suppose the name speaks for itself really, doesn't it?  I've never had one.  In fact, in a lot of cases, I've been lucky that my car actually had a bumper, and anything stuck to it was more likely in an attempt to keep the bumper as part of the car, rather than any kind of statement about my life choices - seriously, I've driven cars where duct tape was the only thing stopping bits from flying off at the giddy speed of 30mph.  That's off the cars, obviously, not off me... and you have not lived if you have not experienced the horror of being overtaken by your own wing-mirror when attempting to turn a corner.  Duct tape and string have formed the framework for most of my life and, I suspect, when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, I will be found to be largely constructed of those things, which means that post mortem I am going to come in extremely useful  for mending fences and holding things to other things.  "Ah.." will exclaim my next-of-kin, "she may not have had much to leave, but what she did leave has been wonderful for keeping the sheep off the dahlias."

Anyway.  Bumper stickers. I was informed by TMMQ (whose mysteriosity only increases during statements such as these) that he once owned a bumper sticker informing those sufficiently interested that 'Rally Drivers Do It Sideways'.  I think that this sentiment was occasioned by his having been one of those people that drives rally cars rather than any kind of general observation, but it made me think.  If writers could have bumper stickers - what would they say?  Being naturally inventive, and also truthfully inclined, I don't think I could ever drive along knowing that my rear end proclaimed to the world that 'My Other Car's a Porsche', even if it did mean that I could prove that I knew the correct use of the possessive apostrophe.  'I Don't Have Another Car' would be more truthful, but not really, you must admit, terribly snappy. I'm quite a fan of having 'My Other Boyfriend's Richard Armitage', to complete the multiple whammy of angering just about everyone in the country (it would even manage to annoy me, since I am one of the 0.0003% of the female population who hasn't fallen for the charms of Mr A).  None of these, however, really capture the whole Writerly Experience though.
I know, I know, gratuitous image in attempt to increase blog traffic....


How about 'Writers Would Rather Clean The Bath Than Do It?'

10 comments:

Laura E. James said...

Jane, I imagine you've opened the floodgate to writerly wordplay and wit. Not mine, obviously. It's still too early on a Sunday morning for my brain to engage in anything other than acknowledging it's too early on a Sunday morning for my brain to engage in anything.
Anyway...Writers do it from multi viewpoints, writers do it when inspiration strikes, writers do it solitude...
Laura xx

Chris Stovell said...

How about 'Writers Don't Do It For The Money' since the bumper on our one car is - quite genuinely - held on with duct tape!

Might have to put a gratuitous image of RA on the cover of Move Over Darling...

Laura E. James said...

I forgot my 'in'. Writers do it in solitude. ;-) x

Jane Lovering said...

Laura - I think your brain is working better than mine, since I had to slip Mr A in just to distract attention... And I like the idea of Writers Do it in Solitude..

Chris - isn't duct tape wonderful? Bumpers, fences, is there anything that one cannot hold together with judicious applications of tape? You could probably tape Mr A onto the cover, but it doesn't need any help from him, it's a great story!

Christina said...

'Writers Do It on the Keyboard'? No, sounds a bit painful :-D

Jane Lovering said...

It does, Christina, but it would explain why I seem to have an 'L' embossed on my left buttock. Or that might just have been left over from when I sat on the lentil packet yesterday...

Stephanie_C said...

Thank heavens for modern technology. 'Writers do it on the keyboard' may sound painful, but not nearly as painful as 'writers do it with a pen'!

Nicola said...

Mr Armitage is terribly delicious!
How about 'writers do it on paper'? Hmm... then again, that sounds a bit like toilet talk.

Barbara Elsborg said...

Writers spend too much time thinking about doing it! Which is why I should be working on my WIP and NOT surfing the net!

Jane Lovering said...

Nice suggestions, everyone,. thank you. And all so true - it's a wonder we actually manage to write any books...