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Sunday, 23 June 2013

Not Liking Things

There's a lot of memes about on the internet at the moment.  No, not 'me', although, yes, you're right, there is rather a lot of me about, but that's because I've just had a book published and I'm obliged to shove my face where you can see it. These are 'memes' - defined by the dictionary on my computer (yes, I've got a real one on the shelf, but that would mean standing up and, you know, stretching and things, and I'm not allowed stretching. I've got a note and everything) as an idea, behavior, or style that spreads from person to person within a culture.  A trend, if you like. Or a nervous tic in my case. 

And it's come to my attention that a lot of these memes tend to be fluffy things. I've had the '25 things you never knew about me' one (Thanks Rhoda Baxter for that one...) which was quite tricky because, as you all know, I can't shut up about anything. So I had to do '25 Things you Never Knew About Hubble Bubble' and I think I got to about 8 before I ran out of things to say and degenerated into 'It's written using real words, built of actual letters'. I've not seen 'My Top Ten Kittens' yet (although I wouldn't put it past my friend Kate Johnson to come up with that one) but it can only be a matter of time before '12 Things I Reeeeelly Reeeelly Lurve' comes to get me (that would also be a short list).

So, I'm redressing the balance in the other direction, and giving you 'Some Things I Hate'. I'm not defining the number because I might hit upon Disgust Paydirt and come up with a very very long list, or I might be feeling remarkably charitable and only manage a couple. Either way my karma is going to tarnish somewhat as a result of this list, and I may have to suffer reincarnation as a wasp, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take for the dubious pleasure of imagining you nodding your heads and saying 'oh, so true'...

Here we go then.

People who overtake me as I'm slowing down to go into a restricted speed zone or am driving at the 30 limit through a village, particularly people who drive Saabs and live just outside Snainton, you know who you are.

Hot buttered anything. You might just as well serve the butter on the side of the plate. Or butter your own arm.

People who put empty packets back in the cupboard, leading me to believe that there are still Hobnobs to be had, thus causing extreme disappointment later in the day. Also the subset of behaviours that cause used matches to be put back in the box, and biros that have long made their last mark, back in the drawer.

Anything that lands on my face in the night. Yes, even Tony Robinson.  There's little worse than being roused from a pleasant dream to the knowledge that something just ran over your mouth.  Apart from being roused from a pleasant dream of eating something....

Pickled beetroot. Two substances that should never be combined. Like nitro-glycerine.
Shudder


Stealth rain. Come on, have the decency to come out of a big, black cloud that we can see coming from miles away...Also, stealth smells, ditto.

The hour of five o clock. The a.m one is just far too early, and the p.m one is an hour filled with general ennuie before dinner and evening-proper. 

Clouds. Nothing should hang in the air like that, apart from hang-gliders and dog-farts.

And finally - hollyhocks and lupins. I have no problem with foxgloves, oddly enough, but a life-long hatred of most of the lupinate family.
Look at them. All tall and....lupiny. It's not natural, I tell you.
 I'd better stop now before my blood pressure rises beyond safe limits and I have to go and lie down.  Please let me know if you agree with any of these, or even if you wish to add a few of your own. I don't think I'll start a 'tag list', because I don't like tagging people either.  In fact, I should add that one to the list too...


15 comments:

kate johnson said...

My Top Ten Kittens is actually the subtitle of my blog, you know.

Stephanie Cage said...

I don't like olives, but I'm aware that I'm in the minority there. All the good pizzas seem to come with olives on, so if by chance I forget to mention this dislike while ordering, I have to spend the rest of the meal picking off little pieces of dark green evilness, and complaining about the fact that I can still taste olives on the cheese, the pizza base and even the tomato sauce. Humph!

Stephanie (who is not at all grumpy and curmudgeonly... and who dislikes the smell of wallflowers).

Jane Lovering said...

I thought it might be... But at least you haven't started the meme and made us all vote.

janice rosser said...

I absolutely loathe tinned pears and squirty cream is the pits!

Debs Riccio said...

Are you sure you're not actually 'Me'?
I hate drivers who refuse to abide by the laws of any signs on the road whatsoever. It infuriates me to the point of impersonating a Police Officer (this is done by mouthing their vehicle license plate v-e-r-y obviously whilst reaching down pretending to speak into a walkie talkie as an off-duty PC might.... I mean WOULD do). It makes no discernible difference but it makes me feel slightly better.
Also? celery. That's it.
Brilliant.

Margaret Morton Kirk said...

With you on most things, though for Saabs and Snainton, read Inverness and Audis.

Lupins are great ground cover, though - they're gradually colonising my front garden, and frankly, I'm all for it.

As for dislikes, I'm not too keen on the occasional dark and wetly glistening blobs that appear on my pale bedroom carpet from time to time, courtesy of my feline friends. Ex-mouse, ex-bird, even once, a slowly expiring enormous slug. Er, you weren't eating lunch, were you?

Oops.

Jane Lovering said...

Stephanie, I used to hate olives (my mouth was surprised by one, once), but I ran out of food on one occasion and only had olives to eat. That cured me of my hatred... But I know where you are coming from because I still can't stand the smell or taste of olive oil...

Janice, yes, tinned pears are completely yukky and should have made it onto the list.

Likewise, Debs, celery. What a waste of a vegetable that is! Blurgh! Although I am fairly sure that I'm not you. Not at the moment, anyway. Unless you're a bit itchy...

Margaret Morton Kirk said...

With you on most of these, though for Saabs and Snainton, read Audis and Inverness.

Lupins are great, though - they're happily colonising my front garden, and quite frankly, more power to them.

My dislikes? Have to say, the wet, glistening blobs that appear from time to time on my pale carpet, courtesy of my feline friends would have to top the list - ex-mice, ex-birds, even, memorably, an enormous, slow-decomposing slug...thanks, boys and girl.

Oh, you're not eating your lunch right now, are you?

Oops.

Jane Lovering said...

It's all right, Margaret, I've got cats too and am well-versed in what we call 'gall-bladder syndrome'. I can't say I 'hate' them though, I'm more indifferent to them, as long as no-one tries to slip me one in a sandwich.

Chris Stovell said...

Tomatoes. Ban them from the Universe.

Terri Nixon said...

Yep, agree with you on most of those, and I do like my buttered toast cold, but I would like to put the case for hot buttered crumpets. Actually, there is no case for them, but they're the dog's wotsits nevertheless, and sometimes that will just have to do.

Kate Allan said...

Hmmm even worse than empty packets being left... people who start the new one before the old one is finished!! Leading to multiple bottles of ketchup in the fridge, half-used toothpastes in the bathroom. Grrrrr.

Jane Lovering said...

Sorry, Chris, cannot concur with the tomato thing - I still love a raw garlic, tomato and mozarella salad, even if it does keep everyone at bay for 24 hours afterwards. Maybe that's why I like it...

Terri, hmm, crumpets are a strange thing. I agree they have to be served hot, with the butter dripping through the holes but...why? As a butter-delivery system they fail completely, you might as well eat the crumpet then lick a pat of butter, but, yes, they aren't completely objectionable.

And Kate, yes! Multiple open bottles of milk are my thing! We don't usually possess more than one bottle of ketchup or tube of toothpaste at a time, but milk... And why, when I buy a huge plastic container of milk, does that get opened BEFORE all the old bottles of milk that are currently sitting in the fridge?? Hmmm?

Oh, the list just gets longer and longer...

littlegrebe said...

Agree with a lot of your list (and others I am happy to sit silent without defending them (well, ok, that's pretty hypocritical in the case of hot buttered things mmm....) but let's try and shorten your list by one by referring you to the excellent Cloud Appreciation Society, who not only have a good attitude to watching clouds while not doing anything else, but also post many photos of clouds that look like Things - what's not to like?

angela britnell said...

We'll have to agree to disagree on hot buttered toast - love it - but my mother would be on your side. Olives and celery make my hate list too - along with boiled okra, sweet potatoes and collard greens - all Tennessee 'specialties' I've never grown to appreciate!