Sunday, 12 January 2014

Things suck. Or, rather, things which are meant to suck but don't...they suck. If you see what I mean.

You know that feeling of disappointment, - the one where someone has given you something you've been waiting for for ages, something you are just desperate to get your hands on, then it arrives and you are sooooo happy and excited and you start using/wearing it only to find that after a couple of weeks it breaks/the sleeves fall off/it unravels?

That.

Oh, nothing to do with Christmas, obviously. No, all my prezzies there are just delightfully going strong. Apart from the ones I've eaten, and most of those were meant to be eaten, so that's all right.  No.  Remember several weeks ago, when I got indecently excited about the fact that I had bought myself a new hoover head for my birthday?

Yes. I know it was sad. But, let's face it, if you don't buy a hoover head for yourself, then who else is going to buy one for you?  So, anyway.  I bought a lovely, brand-new and inordinately expensive new head for my Dyson Pet.  That's a hoover that is especially designed for picking up pet hair, not that I've got a pet with interchangeable heads,  that goes around sucking bits off the floor....no, actually, all my pets go around sucking bits off the floor, particularly if those 'bits' are cheese or biscuit related.  It looked like this...

for a while. Then it got sort of dirty and chipped, and the bucket-opener stopped opening, but it still sucks like a cat that's found some old Stilton down the back of a sofa cushion.

Six weeks later, the head stopped working.  Yep, in the midst of the Christmas clear-up, it just made a brief, funny noise and ceased its rotation. I am poor, and that head cost me a week's food money! And now I am poor and annoyed and without a working hoover! Of course I have e-mailed Dyson!  In fact, a brief exchange has been continuing since Thursday, but so far all I've had from them has been a computer-generated e-mail asking for the serial number of my hoover (which is fairly irrelevant, since it's not the hoover that is broken, they supplied me with the new head and have the order details, and I'd quite like to speak to a person not a computer).

Well.  If this situation continues much longer they are going to feel the wrath of the comedy blogger!  Not, I hasten to add, the comedy wrath of the blogger, which is something different and involves me hitting people with a squeaky bladder on a stick whilst wearing tinsel.

Yes, I am cross, people. Cross. You may wish to avoid me for the next few days until this matter is resolved.  If the matter has to be resolved with the old 'squeaky bladder on a stick' routine, you may wish to avoid me for even longer...

6 comments:

Sarah Tranter said...

LOL Jane. What is it with appliances right now? I've gone through a cooker, a fridge freezer, nearly a washing machine - and yes a hoover (a petty one too - petty not pretty), in the space of 6 weeks. My wrath is presently focused on the fridge freezer which still isn't sorted after having to use a crate in the garden for a fridge over Xmas. Grrr. Good luck with Dyson. They should consider this post their warning :) If you find you need a fresh angle, we could swap and sort out each other's appliances LOL. Good luck and commiserating hugs XXX

Jane Lovering said...

We should form a support group, Sarah. I've had to replace the cooker and the washing machine in the last three months, the fridge-freezer keeps doing something very weird temperature-wise (and then bleeping, usually in the middle of the night, to let us know what it's doing) and one of my freezers only freezes from half way up! The Dyson is just the last white-good straw! Good luck with yours (I find kicking them helps. Makes you feel better, although you do have to explain boot-prints to visiting engineers...) x

Chris Stovell said...

Oh dear, I've always stuck up for Dysons (my sister favouring Henrys and regarding Dysons with contempt) - so they'd better do something about your complaint soon. Perhaps the threat of an army of disgruntled ChocLiteers grumbling about them will have them sending Peter Capaldi round with a replacement Dyson part very soon? (Cover your eyes, Tony)

Jane Lovering said...

I've had loads of Dysons, but they seem to be getting worse lately, more flimsy and less sucky. However, if they send Peter Capaldi round with *anything* I shall sing their praises to the skies.

Unless it's a hand grenade, of course. But Dear Peter is too classy for that sort of shenanigans.

kate johnson said...

I've often been suspicious that the pets these pet hoovers are designed for are actually goldfish. Or possibly those poor bald cats that need to wear jumpers. Not anything with actual fur, and God help you if your pet is longhaired. What with Demon Puppy, who is a hair manufacturing machine, and Spike, who has bigger hair than Cheryl Cole, I don't think I've ever had a vacuum cleaner that's lasted more than a year!

Flowerpot said...

Your posts always make me laugh Jane!