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Sunday, 18 January 2015

Stuffing your bouffant into your pants and being mad in a 'cat/dog interface' way.

I must be mad.  No, not in the 'obviously I'm mad, I'm a writer, which is sort of the definition of 'you don't have to be mad to do this job but..what am I saying, of course you do, in fact the job description actually specifies wearing your pants on your head'' way.  I mean  I must be mad in the exasperated way that people say it when they've gone and done something that that didn't really want to do because they'd already exhausted all the possibilities of doing it and come to the conclusion that it just wouldn't work.  If you see what I mean. Although, you're probably stuck at the bit about writers all having it in their contracts that they will wear their pants on their heads and you're busy imagining J K Rowling and Jeffrey Archer sitting around with their bloomers over their expensive salon hairdos. Saying that, though, Jeffrey Archer has less hair than JK, so he would feel more comfortable with - and I am extrapolating now, I have no insider information as to the actual emporia in which he purchases his underwear - a large pair of M&S briefs firmly pulled down around his ears.
This is possibly the only time you will ever see these two pictures juxtaposed. If you remember Rhoda Baxter and I giving our talk, now is NOT the time to think about a juxtaposition of thingie, all right? I can't afford another court case, not after the last Tony Robinson experience. 

In fact, I think I may have just discovered why most of the hugely successful best-selling authors are men! It's the pants/head thing! Women writers just have too much hair!  It is hard to get your knickers to sit right if you're all bouffant, they keep sliding over one ear, thus restricting the creative flow.
You cannot deny the creative genius here, after all...

Now, where was I?  Oh yes, the 'I must be mad' thing... Well.  I've given in to family pressure and acquired a puppy, to add to the family roll.  The older dogs think I'm mad, the cats think I'm certifiably insane (but then cats always think that), and the chickens are in for a hell of a shock, but for now... Teal.  A ten week old Patterdale terrier, who currently thinks she is a cat.


Anonymous said...

Knickers can also fall over the face with short hair. Yes did try and can't keep them on! Any tips? Love the puppy so cute. My friend has a nine week old cockerspaniel who has been nicknamed jaws due to her needle sharp teeth, cute but OUCH. Her name is Seren which is welsh for Star. Apparently there are breeds called cockerpoohs. Can't even think of asking for one of those don't think I could keep a straight face.
Lorraine x

Wendy's Writing said...

Oh gorgeous! (The pup - not the man with pants on his head)

Carol Hedges said...

Yup, you are mad! Mind I base this upon the fact that we are social media mates and I'm never mates with anyone who isn't as mad if not madder than me, and also coz I watched that 6 Puppies prog on BBG TV and I think anyone who gets a chewing shit factory that is a puppy is mas. So, yep. I confirm your diagnosis. Cute puppy though.