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Sunday, 4 October 2015

An Author's Bits. With pictures.

This week I have found myself thinking about authors' bits.

Not like Neil Gaiman's dangly parts or J K Rowling's sit-upon, because that would be strange, and what possible reason could I have for such musings other than a strange sexual preoccupation, which I quite clearly don't have and no I don't need any more approaches from men on Facebook, thank you very much.

Anyway.  No.  The authors' bits that I was thinking about, are the bits that go in the back of books (or sometimes the front), where you get that heading that says 'About The Author'.  This is where the author (or, if they are a rich and successful author, their 'people') try to make up something that makes the author in question sound approachable and fun, yet wacky and interesting enough to have come up with a book that you might want to read.
Yes, it's a wetsuit.  For 'weekend pursuits'.
I'd guess, if you're the sort of author who has 'people', that you'd need to be quite nice to those 'people', just in case you suddenly find your books out there on the shelves bearing an 'About the Author' that says something like 'Blah is an author of inadequate comprehension, who spends his/her weekend at Interational Bitchathons and is regularly to be found naked and drunk in local gutters.'  Of course, since nobody reads the Authors' Bits, it's quite possible that my books already have this in, but I like to think that someone would have told me by now.

Right.  So my Author's Bits, mostly mention my animals, so I thought, what with 'I Don't Want to Talk About It' being on 99p Kindle Monthly Deal and my Christmas Novella coming soon, you may want a little insider peek at my bits.
Teal, the puppy, Cal, the stripey cat, and Zach the black and white one

Quentin, Helga and Helga...
Ignore the 'author in her slippers'.  Corvo the black and white cat, Abraxus the black cat, Big Dog Dylan, and yes, Teal the puppy again. She's photogenic, what can I say?
Tiggy, the terrier of such unmitigated scruffiness and grump that she rarely features in family photos. From her expression you can tell that she knows this.

So, there you have it. My bits.  And next time you pick up one of my books and read 'Jane has four cats, three hens and three dogs', now you know what they look like.  I'll be asking questions later, so I'll leave you to memorise these...

Oh, and anyone who came here for pictures of an author' know...bits... I'll see you later. Just have the money in used readies....


Terry Tyler said...

If I've liked a book, I always read the 'author's bits' because if I've enjoyed a book enough to finish it, I'm interested. :)

October Woman said...

While I don't read excerpts or much of the other stuff that's often in the back of a book, I do always read the author's bits, and have read yours (no mention of you being naked or drunk that I remember!), so thanks for the pictures! Now I can stop wondering what all your pets look like and what their names are!

Wendy's Writing said...

I always read the bit about the author too and wonder what they would write if they didn't have pets. 'Linda lives in Grimsby with her fifth husband, Reliant Robin and a box of Pringles''

Chris Stovell said...

I must say your 'author's bits' are very cute. I especially liked seeing some of them stretched out in front of the fire. That doesn't sound at all weird, does it?

Rhoda Baxter said...

I don't have pets. Nor even carnivorous plants (used to have a collection of those). My bits are very dull.