You'd think writing would be a fairly relaxing activity, wouldn't you? On the flopometer somewhere between a warm bath with candles and an undemanding episode of 'Shed of the Year'? Oh, how wrong you would be! It's quite astonishing the things that will irritate a writer, particularly when they are mid-manuscript, and if you wish to avoid the wrath of a writer close to you, here are some simple ideas for things you should not do, for fear of riling them beyond all mortal understanding:
|Try the big cupboard on the left. Behind the sheets.|
Turn The TV On Loudly. Especially if you then walk away, returning only to complain 'I was watching that!' when the author in question turns it off. Be warned, an author with a long stick can turn a TV off from quite a distance away. If your author also has white, thin lips whilst this is going on, then be very careful, authors are quite adept with that long stick and can rearrange your undercarriage very quickly, should they be sufficiently annoyed.
|Just imagine this coming at you with extreme prejudice and a tight-lipped writer at one end...|
Offer Help. Trust me, if your author needs help they will ask. Or, more probably, shout. It doesn't matter how gently you ask, or how carefully you approach, you will be met with a 'what do you want, now?' and a waving of the long stick in a threatening manner. Leave your writer to come to the conclusion that they need your help in their own time. Most likely they will source this help by suddenly yelling at you, out of the blue, a random question such as 'so who the hell did win the Grand National in 1955, then?!' Again, here Google is your friend. And never ask why they want to know - they just do. It's safer if you don't know.
|Quare Times, actually.|
It's for your own safety.